here we go again...

Well I have’t posted on here in a while, a lot has been going on and to be honest I have been in a bit of a funk.

Last September when I decided to truly start my health and fitness journey, things seemed to happen so easily (using that word lightly because it was far from easy). But this time around things just aren’t working for me and seem to be way harder. I am having such a hard time staying on track and I think it is correlated to the fact that I’m not seeing the scale move. And I know that shouldn’t matter but I have said it before, it’s something I need to see, it gives me that push. I just feel blah, I don’t have that same drive, that same attitude. I’m truly trying to get it back but to be honest I don’t even know how to.

I was doing so well, and then the holidays came around (excuse 1) and then the after holidays blah (excuse 2) and then my surgery (excuse 3), during all of this time I was doing nothing, and I watched the changes happen. Thinking in my head, I’ll just jump back into it when I’m healed and all will be well. Well let me tell you, that did not happen. More excuses happened, moving (excuse 4), packing (excuse 5), unpacking (excuse 6).

Finally I said enough is enough it’s time to get back it. Again, still thinking it will just happen the same way it did last time, WRONG! This time around instead of seeing the scale go down, the scale goes up…. This has been so hard for me to see, so discouraging, thinking to myself “why bother”. To be totally transparent, the number on that scale is higher than when I started this journey in September, yup higher. Even typing that makes me soooo angry and brings tears to my eyes. But you know what? The only person I can blame for this is MYSELF! I made the excuses, I let myself fall into bad habits, I am the root cause of the problem.

But I am not going to give up, I am going to push harder, and I am going to see the change again. I need to make the change, I need to want it, it doesn’t matter what I say if I don’t believe it and I don’t push myself.

So here is my commitment to myself. I am going to do it, I am going to stay focused, stay strong, and make the change I want to see!

- Kayla